Written by, Kalpita
21st Apr 2025
In homes where parents experience clashes, young children often become innocent bystanders in a battle that’s not theirs to fight. These toxic parenting situations give rise to a silent suffering that could lead to profound implications, often manifesting in ways that are not immediately visible.
Children absorb the chaos and negativity around them, shapes their thinking, feelings and behaviour. The damaging effects linger long after our conflict is over and has a high possibility of affecting their future. Therefore, it becomes extremely critical to understand how they are perceiving these conflicts so we as parents could create a growth mindset and a nurturing environment amidst these challenges.
Research studies have shown that frequent, intense, poorly resolved or even out-right neglected inter parental conflicts carry to potential for long-lasting influences on young children. Lets look into some real-world situations and explore these complex manifestations:
The Physical Manifestation:
The Battle:
Minna, 4, has trouble sleeping, often wakes up having nightmares and stomachaches.
The Silent Wound:
Minna’s teacher and paediatrician suspect that these issues are stress related, stemming from tensions at home. Young children exposed to inter parental conflicts may start to exhibit physical health issues like disturbed sleep patterns and weakened immune system. Toxic stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol produced by chronic stress experiences, have been linked to long term health concerns such as heart diseases and hypertension. Parental conflicts may also give rise to stress related physiological responses that could potentially damage brain development in young children.
The Mental Manifestation:
The Battle:
Anna, 7, lives with her constantly conflicting parents. She often complains of headaches before heading for school. At school, her teacher notices she’s often withdrawn and struggled to focus on tasks.
The Silent Wound:
Anna’s paediatrician and school counsellor suggest that she may be developing anxiety due to her home environment. Young children coming with homes with inter parental conflicts are more likely to battle mental health disorders, like anxiety and depression, risking its impact on their future adult lives.
The Behavioural Manifestation:
The Battle:
Liam, 5, has begun to act aggressively at preschool, pushes other children, refuses to follow through instructions and comply with simple rules. The teacher has frequently noticed him mimic angry adult like behaviour and language during role play time.
The Silent Wound:
Watching frequent intense arguments between his parents, Liam is externalising his understanding through aggressive, hostile and non-compliant behaviour. Eventually, this could become his core personality and affect his future relationships and interactions.
The Social Manifestation:
The Battle:
Tiger, 6, struggles with making friends at school. He is simply unable to cooperate and share with his peers during group tasks. And his genuine efforts to mingle with his peers leads to more conflicts caused by inappropriate social behaviour.
The Silent Wound:
His limited understanding of healthy social interactions and poor problem solving skills have stemmed out of his parents constantly bickering at home. His poor social competence may affect his ability to establish and maintain healthy relationship throughout his life.
The Academic Manifestation:
The Battle:
Sara, 8, used to be an excellent student. Her teachers have noticed a sudden, significant drop in her grades. She is forgetting to complete her homework and has trouble concentrating in class. Her teacher has voiced concern about her academic decline.
The Silent Wound:
As her parents’s conflicts have intensified, Sara is experiencing difficulty learning at school and is having trouble retaining her academic achievements. This situation could intensify and affect her future educational endeavours and prospects.
The Psychological Manifestation:
The Battle:
Aidan, 7, has developed a stutter and often seems sad and aloof. He has become hyper-alert and fearful. Even when there’s no physical violence, he seems to be constantly worried about safety.
The Silent Wound:
Unsafe home environment and parental conflicts are causing Aidan to demonstrate feeling of fear, anxiety and sadness. These emotional effects could elevate into feelings of anger and anxiety, which could soon transform into negative self perceptions and problems with identity development in his later life.
The Future Relationship Manifestation:
The Battle:
Olivia, a teenager, is having trouble forming close friendships. She finds it hard to trust others and often expects the worst in relationships.
The Silent Wound:
Having grown up with parents in constant conflicts, Olivia’s struggle in forming meaningful connections goes back to her early childhood experiences. If not addresses productively, it may lead to a vicious cycle of conflictual behaviour that would interfere with her healthy intimate relationships too.
These scenarios are meant to highlight how inter parental conflicts could profoundly impact young children’s well being across several aspects of their lives. Intentionally addressing, rationally interpreting, and constructively resolving these conflicts is crucial in protecting young children’s current and future well being.
Remember: Children whose parents are dependable, reliable and rational sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage – a kind of buffer against the worst that fate can hand them! Lets all be that buffer for our children today!
