Written by, Kalpita
27th May 2025
As a parent to a little social butterfly, I’ve repeatedly experienced that the world of childhood friendships can be so magical and yet so messy. When they begin to navigate their social network, most times they do so with laughter, sometimes with tears, and more often with lessons that could shape who they become. Over the years, I’ve come to realise just how very important it is to teach young children about choosing healthy friendships, right from the start. Here are some real friendship moments I’ve lived through (and survived!) that show why these early life lessons matter so much to me.
1. The Toy Sharing Dilemma
One of my earliest memories as a toddler mom is watching my 2 year old deeply engaged and happy playing with a toy while an excited peer reaches out with hopeful hands. At such times, the most common belief we try to drill into our little children is “Sharing is Caring” but is it really ‘caring’ to force a child to hand over what they have before they are ready to? Sometimes, insisting on sharing can teach them to ignore their own feelings or needs in order to please others. And that could lead to resentment, frustration or even conflicts.
Instead, I chose to teach my girl to communicate her feelings and set respectful boundaries. I taught her to use phrases implying, “I’m still playing, but you can have it right after I’m done.” Such exchanges empower little children to respect themselves as well as others, creating a foundation for healthy friendships built on mutual understanding, rather than blind generosity.
2. The Playground Squabble
I believe that playgrounds are the ultimate learning platforms for social skills. Young children often bump into each other, and sometimes those situations escalate. Rather than intervening and making it about “Saying Sorry!”, I believe that young children should be taught to check-in with an “Are you alright?” – specially after a hard bump.
Wasn’t easy at first but over time, I started encouraging my girl to apologise and follow it right up with calmer conversations. Saying “I’m sorry!”, explaining your side AND listening to the other person’s feelings could turn squabbles into meaningful, learning experiences about empathy and conflict resolution.
3. The Changing Friendships
Nothing is more painful than helplessly seeing your little child coming home in tears because their best friend told them that they are not friends anymore. Sure, they need to be comforted but another crucial, often undermined part of helping them process their disappointment is talking about what is means to be a good friend. As tough as these moments can be, they are also opportunities to teach them about resilience, encourage new connections and remind them that it’s okay for friends to grow in different directions. They need to be taught to not take it personally and that friendships cannot be forced. Like them, everyone deserves to be able to choose their friends, at different times of the day (or even lives).
As helpful as encouraging kindness and inclusion can be, forcing a particular friendship doesn’t always work for the better. As we consistently engaged with these conversations, expressed feelings about it and explored other options at such times, my now 7 year old, is independently able to come up with several alternatives to overcome these heartbreaks and all she needs is a listening ear.
4. The Gossip Game
I was in shock when I learnt that gossip sneaks into even the youngest circles these days. Recently, when my girl said something unkind about a friend (just because everyone at school is saying so), it was my wake-up call. It was time to have that chat (again!) about how powerful words can be – how they can make someone’s day but also break someone’s heart.
After touching upon how spoken words can’t entirely be taken back, we started to practice what to do or say instead. Turns out that role-playing these situations at home is a super-fun and highly effective outlet for my child to not only express herself but also to understand the value of honesty, loyalty, and giving everyone a fair chance to explain themselves before spreading the word.
5. Navigating Shyness or Social Awkwardness
I understand that not every child is a social butterfly. Even mine goes through these phases of shyness, making her instantly invisible in social situations. It bothered me at first but overtime I learnt that it’s her choice and I need to respect it as a part of her unique personality.
I observed that forcing her to be social at all times made her feel anxious, while supporting and understanding her, helped her feel secure and more confident being herself. As a parent, I can only prepare her for different social situations, model friendly behaviour, praise her efforts and respect her need for space. But more importantly, I needed to accept that her shyness isn’t a flaw, it’s her choice!
6. Learning to Honour a “No”
If you are a parent in modern times, you know that peer pressure starts early these days. I’ve seen my little girl in various social situations where she has felt hesitant and was made to feel uncomfortable for saying “No”. I wondered why? How did we get conditioned to please others with YESes? Why do we still associate the NOes with being rude or unkind? And how can we evolve from this?
I decided to teach her how to actively practice setting respectful boundaries by using honest statements like, “I don’t want to play that game, right now. Maybe later?” She had to learn that it’s okay to stand up for yourself as it is one of the best ways to help her avoid unhealthy friendships down the road.
Teaching little ones to say “no” in the early years is so very important for them to imbibe that setting boundaries is healthy. What we need to work on are ways to model polite NOes, normalise honouring those Noes in conversations, praise assertiveness and role-play various scenarios together. The idea is to teach them that disagreements are okay in friendships, disrespect is not!
7. Modeling and Role-Playing
Today’s children watch us parents - our actions and our attitudes - more closely than any generation of children ever have. As modern parents, we are hyper-aware of this glaring fact; yet it’s not so simple for us to make the necessary changes. Young children seem to learn most from what we are doing, not what we are saying! I’ve tried to model kindness, honesty, and empathy in my own relationships, knowing my child is taking notes. We also role-play tricky social situations at home, giving my child the confidence to handle real-life challenges wisely and compassionately. Yet, my girl seems to be learning much more authentically when I own up for my momentary lapses. When she sees me valuing progress over perfection – somehow those active efforts and that growth mindset tends to teach her the most valuable life lessons.
Why Does All Of This Matter?
I refuse to see these early childhood experiences as simply overcoming drama — I see them as a strong foundation upon which we build lifelong skills. The earlier young children learn to choose healthy friendships, the more likely they are to grow into confident, empathetic, and resilient adults. They’re less likely to fall into patterns of being bullied or even becoming a bully themselves. As parents, our early guidance and involvement can make all the difference. That’s how their values, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions start to align and shine out.
So, the next time you find yourself hearing about how a friend wouldn’t share, or how someone was being mean at school, remind yourself that these are golden opportunities to teach, connect, and help your child lay out the groundwork for healthy, fulfilling and meaningful relationships — for life!
