Written by, Kalpita
16th Jun 2025
Today's working fathers are constantly in a conflict between the age-old constraints and the new-age demands. For their families, they wish to be more involved, emotionally available, and present. But they often feel imprisoned. They are held back by their own guilt, cultural norms, and work-related distractions. This tension is a cost incurred, not just by the fathers today, but also by their families.
Their Dilemma: Wanting to Do More, But Can’t
Unlike in the past, fathers today need to be active, nurturing parents for their children. Yet, ironically, long work hours, inflexible schedules, and persisting cultural conditioning make it a ‘hard to achieve’ feat for any father to be there as he would wish. Fathers often see themselves as being split between success at work and presence at home, and this tug-of-war sometimes yields an inescapable feeling of failure - regardless of choices they make.
Their Key challenges:
• Time Management:
Long hours and commutes eat up time that dads put into attending school events or helping with childcare routines at home or just being there for the little things in life.
• Workplace Barriers:
Many workplaces still do not support paternity leave or flexible work, and men often face judgment for asking.
• Social Expectations:
The "provider" stereotype continues to exist; despite all the advancements.
• Guilt and Emotional Stress:
Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression can start as a result of missing important life events and feeling unable to take care of family obligations.
The Toll on their Relationships:
This continuous fight is not nearly as physically exhausting – as is emotionally draining. When fathers are deep into these work-family conflicts, their mental health tends to deteriorate very soon; they experience psychological distress and burnout more than we can anticipate. Over time, this situation may even lead to:
• Emotional Withdrawal:
They start dawning away from home and irritably so, not because they do not care, rather because they are heaped and drained.
• Relationship Strain:
When their partners don't feel supported, resentment starts to grow, which ultimately causes family members to become confused and emotionally distant.
• Effect on Children:
Due to the stress and absence of a father figure at home, children may experience emotional and developmental problems when their fathers are not present or even present-under-stress.
What Can Be Done For Them?
Although difficulties do exist, there are ways to manage and even improve the experience for fathers, their partners, and their work environment today:
1. Establish Clear Boundaries
When does work end? When does the family time begin?
- Turn off work texting, emails, and notifications for family time to prioritise tech-free, undistracted time with your kids.
- Plan your family time just like a work meeting and make a commitment.
2. Make Your Case For Flexibility
- Communicate with employers allowing for flexible hours, working remotely, or parental leave — but know your rights and ask for workplace policies that support your requests.
- Divide the tasks at home with your partner and have an open discussion about balance.
3. Prioritise Self-Care
- Schedule time for hobbies, relaxation, or mindfulness exercises.Even short breaks simply to recharge can improve your patience and presence at home.
- Identify support system around you - with family, friends and professionals, such as a father specific networks and other similar resources.
4. Communicate and Work Together:
- Maintain open communication channels with your partner about their needs and targets as well as their irritations and proposed resolutions.
- Create regular scheduled ‘family meetings’ throughout the week that protect your relationship from conflicts.
- Practical delegation of family responsibilities should include outsourcing tasks and asking friends or relatives to help with parenting duties or domestic chores.
5. Give Quality Time Precedence Than Quantity.
Be fully present when you are at home. Little rituals — like bedtime stories or weekend adventures with your family can create a world of difference.
6. Attend To Your Mental Health
It's important to recognise when feelings of fear, anxiety, and stress escalate into burnout, or when your emotions start to dull your family and social connections. If you find that stress is becoming too much to handle, don’t hesitate to seek out counselling or support. Let’s foster open discussions about the modern dad’s mental health and vulnerability, whether at home or in the workplace.
Something To Think On:
The conflict between the desire to do more and the perceived lack of ability to do so, has been an emotional issue and a source of anger with many modern, working dads. The fathers, through encouraging open communication, establishing purposeful boundaries, taking care of themselves, and supporting changes in workplace policies, can become aware of their roles at home once again. This is not just good for their own happiness, but it also positively influences their families and social circle.
The topic of discussion is not about being perfect; on the contrary, it is about being present even in small parts and constantly making progress to create a safer environment for fathers and their families.
“Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man!”
